[Andrew sent this in ... thanks Andrew!]
A collection of Prince of Darkness jokes:
Lucas denies having invented darkness. But they still claim "sudden, unexpected darkness".
Lucas--inventor of the first intermittent wiper.
Lucas--inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.
The three-position Lucas switch--DIM, FLICKER and OFF.
The other three switch settings--SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE.
The original anti-theft devices--Lucas Electric products.
"I've had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never experienced any prob..."
Did you hear about the Lucas powered torpedo? It sank.
It's not true that Lucas, in 1947, tried to get Parliament to repeal Ohm's Law. They withdrew their efforts when they met too much resistance.
Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover and asked the owner"How can you tell one switch from another at night, since they all look the same?". He replied "It doesn't matter which one you use, nothing happens!"
Back in the '70s Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they offered which didn't suck.
Quality Assurance phoned and advised the Engineering guy that they had trouble with his design shorting out. So he made the wires longer.
Alexander Graham Bell invented the Telephone.